I feel like every man who has ever tried to convince me to take some rando shouting “Hey girl, nice ass” at me as a compliment sees it this way: You’re sitting outside some Italian café in a Betty Draper dress sipping a prosecco when all of a sudden your dainty neck scarf flies off in the light breeze. Joseph Gordon Levitt, wearing a linen suit with a pocket square and no socks with his penny loafers, steps off his Vespa and hands it to you while saying something witty about how it’s almost as beautiful as you are. You then both ride off into the sunset, laughing as Dean Martin plays in the background and the director yells cut on the espresso commercial that is your life.
In reality, it’s you getting yelled at by a bunch of sweaty men standing outside a bar at eight in the morning, telling you about how fuckable you look in your sweatpants when you’re just trying to get a bottle of milk in peace like a goddamn human being. And it is the opposite of a compliment.
FUCKING THIS. I had to sit for almost half of my hour lunch the other day and explain to a co-worker why street harassment DOES NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES flatter me.
And sorry, even if you’re JGL, shouting “nice tits!” at me, wolf whistling, or driving up next to me and beeping your horn will never be flattering. It’s creepy and degrading and makes me fear for my safety.
I was trying to explain this to one of my guy friend’s the other day, and I just couldn’t articulate. But this explains it perfectly.
This is not a novel thought by a long shot
But whenever I talk to men, especially when I disagree with them or am correcting or confronting them on something, I include all sorts or qualifiers and shit. “I’m sure you meant well,” and “I just think,” and “it might be the case that.” And I am so. Fucking. Tired of it.
One Direction: I like it when you hate yourself
My workplace plays a lot of shitty music. A lot of the shitty music is just run of the mill blah. A fair amount is also offensive to one degree or another. The latest in this group is “What Makes You Beautiful” by One Direction. This song irritates me to an almost unreasonable degree, so I am writing about it to kinda parse out why.
Here is a link to the lyrics if you care to peruse them.
Mostly all I can hear at work is the chorus, which I have quoted below, but when I looked up the rest of the words, they didn’t make it any better.
Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But when you smile at the ground it aint hard to tell
You don’t know
You don’t know you’re beautiful
If only you saw what I can see
You’ll understand why I want you so desperately
Right now I’m looking at you and I can’t believe
You don’t know
You don’t know you’re beautiful
You don’t know you’re beautiful
That’s what makes you beautiful
What. The. Hell. Seriously.
The sound of the song is the sort of pseudo-inspirational pop ballad that seems to be popular lately. This song would essentially be a repeat of “Just the Way You Are,” by Bruno Mars if it didn’t manage to somehow cram in even more condescending, creepy bullshit.
This is a song trying to convince a girl of her beauty? I guess? But apparently part of what makes her attractive is not knowing she is beautiful, not say, her personality or sense of style or sparkling intellect. So the writer thinks that a lack of self esteem is good! This just reeks of the sort of asshole who likes to manipulate women, and simultaneously thinks that he is suuuuuper sensitive and awesome. He even pulls the “You totes don’t need makeup!!!” thing. Ugh.
Writer of this song? We live in a society that actively tries to destroy women’s confidence in themselves, particularly their appearance. You clearly know this. YOU ARE NOT HELPING.
But don’t worry! What she really needs is a man to affirm her. Just not so much that she stops being endearingly self-effacing or some bullshit.
Being strong and confident does not make you less attractive. (You can also be shy and retiring and super attractive. ‘Cause y’know, people are different. And having anxiety or whatevs does not negate your value.)
In conclusion. One Direction: Full of bullshit, likes it when women hate themselves.
filmandotherdemons replied to your post:viewfromthetardis replied to your post: As two of…I pretty much agree with you. I was excited about it until I saw the trailer, which mostly looks tired to me. I just can’t get excited. It’s missing the Pixar magic and brings up a lot of the issues I have with Disney.
I’ve just grown accustomed to expecting almost-unmitigated brilliance from Pixar, because that’s all they’ve ever given me. But unless there is something to this movie that the trailer completely left out, then it’ll just be…good.
I swear if anyone officially adds the protagonist to the Disney princesses, whether I end up liking her or not, I will SCREAM
Pixar is starting to worry me. Between this and
wreck-it-ralphnsomething else they’re doing I can’t remember I couldn’t be more bored with what they’re doing. For me, pixar movies are cool because they’re not dealing with people, for the most part. And while only six on screen people in their movies have been black (that’s just on screen, not even characters. That number is 1. and I wouldn’t have minded a brown skinned toy in Andy’s box at all) all the human characters have been such non factors that it hasn’t bothered me. Now that we’re starting to deal with people people more Pixar is just joining the ranks of all the other cartoon makers that couldn’t even be bothered to try. They don’t even have the excuse (bullshit though it is) that they can’t find the right actors to play the parts. You create them from scratch. No excuses. But alas, pixar is joining white people party time.
reasons I am not excited about “Brave” ^^^^^^^
ok really. Yet another spunky, conventionally-attractive white princess defying social norms in a way that is still completely socially acceptable by today’s standards? Original. Like really, I’m not saying all movies have to challenge the status quo or state something profound or be edgy or anything. But seriously? This is the same old shit as every other movie with a female protagonist. Why exactly is this supposed to be a big deal.
oh, and Micah, obvs there can’t be any brown people because it’s set in medieval Scotland. How convenient! It’s almost like they wanted to avoid criticism for not animating any people of color so they made the very presence of POCs an anachronism in the world of the movie! Silly Micah, it’s not racism, it’s history!
You are a beautiful human being.
Valentine’s Day does not bother me. It never has, not once during all the years I was single, and I happen to not be a-romantic, so that’s not why it doesn’t. In fact, I kind of like it. Not ALL the commercialization and shitty Hallmark cards and everything, but it makes me a little happy.
Those of you of a mind to, please give me legitimate reasons why it should bother me. I feel like they must be there.
Well, most of my issues with Valentine’s Day aren’t necessarily intrinsic to the idea of having a special day to mark loving relationships. It’s more the way that it is put into practice. The commercialization and heteronormativity are rampant and obnoxious. People are pressured even more than usual to feel like they MUST be in a romantic relationship, and if they are not, they are failing at life. If they don’t WANT to be in a romantic relationship, it is implied that there is something horribly wrong with them. Really, Valentine’s Day just amplifies all the bullshit our society already has around romance.
Personally, I also dislike the idea that I need to have a reason to do something nice for my significant other. This is compounded by the fact that what people like me (female, in a heterosexual relationship) are supposed to give our significant other is usually sex. Which the man “pays” for with chocolates and roses and the like. Because everyone loves chocolate and roses, and it couldn’t possibly be more romantic to get something you put an ounce of thought into.
Also, diamonds. Fuck diamonds.
I don’t mind when people celebrate Valentine’s Day. If you can make it work for you, do it. Whatever floats your boat. As a social institution though, I kinda loathe it.
Soooo….I have an assignment for my Deductive Logic class. It is a little online applet thing that poses a puzzle. There is a raft. There is a river. You must get the entities on one side of the river to the other. It is very similar, though not identical, to the puzzle many people have probably already seen where you have to get cats and dogs across without the dogs outnumbering the cats at any point.
Apparently the dude designing this course looked at that and thought, “Hmmm. It is good, but needs more sexism.” Our puzzle has “men” and “women.” (These are easily identified by the fact that only women wear dresses. Duh.) Or rather, because heteronormativity is alive and well, “husbands” and “wives.” Each couple is color-coded. You must all the people across the river, with one catch. A women must never be in the presence of a man who is not her husband, without also having her husband there to supervise her. If you try to leave a woman without her husband, the applet pops up an error message reading “Caution: A wife is unattended”
The plus side is that my professor did not design this curriculum, and has actually complained about the sexism to the man who did. Also, the class in general, and one awesome fellow student in particular, definitely recognized and called out the sexism. We all had a hearty, horrified laugh.
TW: rape, sexual assult, victim blaming
Hey AP, I get that the dress code needs to be enforced in order to cover YOUR ass, but you need to find a way to explain why people can’t wear tights as pants that doesn’t involve blaming sexual assult victims for their perpetrator’s actions. If people being raped on campus is such a big concern then I think a better plan for stopping that would be not hiring rapists to do work, rather than cracking down on dancers who would rather not be late to every single class because they were trying to dress out.
And please explain what else “Some (people we hire for construction jobs) can’t control themselves.” is supposed to mean if it isn’t implying that you’re going to be raped if you wear tight fitting clothing.
Look, everyone: our assistant principal! Who has power over us! Hooray! I want to throw things at him!
He wasn’t only insulting the students, he was also insulting the construction workers. Holy christ. I almost fucking screamed.
Hi guys! This is the assistant principal of my little sister’s school. I know a lot of people who go to this school, people I care about. I’m gonna write a letter of complaint for sure, trying to think of anything else I can do.h
Martin Luther King, Jr (Letter from a Birmingham Jail, 1963)
as i say, its you neutral folks who are making this mess work.